No Marvel
by Salmiakkikarkki
Summary: Trying to tell your close companion that you have acquired abnormal, alien abilities during your time apart could be difficult. Unless that companion happens to be Cortana. Post Halo4. Drabble, slight crack!fic.


A/N: I have clearly been browsing other fandoms too much recently, just guess which one ;) But, sometimes Halo muse can be found from unpredictable places. Hope you enjoy!

I finally have a Beta and I can happily say this has been beta'd by the wonderful Rosamanelle.

Copyright: Halo belongs to Bungie and 343i industries.

 **Important!** After writing this one, I got unsure feeling whether the same joke has been used somewhere before, I tried to wrack my brains and do some search in case, but couldn't find anything. So, if you recognise this to be an old joke, please **immediately** let me know that I can take this down. Thanks!

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 **No Marvel**

John had never been normal so to say. His life story and actions had always separated him from others and marked him as different. He had been so many things.

However, underneath all that, he had still always been able to think that at least on some level he was plain - he was what he was meant to be.

After Requiem he wasn't so sure anymore. Librarian's changes had had unpredictable effects.

And somehow he had been dreading it. How would Cortana react to the fact that the ordinary Spartan II was not so plain anymore? Instead there was something even he himself had been very much unable to recognize. Ironically the Librarian's modifications had forced him to acknowledge the other accumulated changes in himself as well.

Someone could call it soul-searching.

Someone else that is.

On top of that, Cortana had only briefly been inside his head, emphasizing her altered programming and the risk of frying his brain.

She had commented how different it had felt, in addition to his chaotic bio readings. It somewhat scared him that if even Cortana, who was to know him neural and neural net basis, was not sure on what was going on — _Don't think about that now._

He stopped to shoot two Prometheans on the way as more thoughts occupied his head. He could remember well how rest of the Blue team had been introduced to his more and more bizarre skills and abilities. The ability to relate to changing situations or unfamiliar things was never considered as the Spartans' forte, at least not outside the concept of fighting, and the changes in him had pushed that limit to the maximum capacity.

To be honest, it had pushed him near to his breaking point as well.

Now his skills could come handy though, since Cortana was not yet back on her A-game.

When they finally reached the first locked down door, the Spartan could feel his heart beat quickening a strike or two. Cortana much have noticed it too, but it seemed only fitting that she had not made a note on it.

However, before the said AI could make any other comments either, John had already started to push the buttons to open the door.

The door opened with a small hissing sound unveiling yet another hallway.

"Okay, how did you do that?"

He almost flinched at the comment as Cortana constructed her quite puzzled looking Avatar on the sleeve of his suit.

"I've… gained some abilities since Requiem."

"Abilities?" Came the questioning reply.

The raise of an eyebrow hovered between sarcastic no-kidding and compassionate interest.

When he didn't answer for a second the AI had already turned her head towards the console of the door, "Symbols?"

"Among. Yes."

He held unconsciously his breath as one of the universe's smartest and retentive beings seemed to ponder that notion, and more pressingly, him, inside her head.

At least for once it wasn't in his head. Although maybe then he could have felt little less out in the open if he could have felt her thoughts working inside his.

"So… You can read alien language, you are faster and stronger than any other man", she was counting with her fingers, "heat vision?"

"What?"

"You know, shoot lasers out of your eyes?"

The question, like many Cortana's comments before, managed to throw him enough out of the loop that he was only able to answer a short "No."

"Oh." She seemed disappointed for a second, "Can you freeze things with your breath?"

It was no wonder Cortana continued on if he looked even half as befuddled as he felt.

"X-ray vision?" She asked, before she stopped, her face lighting up for figuring it out.

"Oh yes, let me guess, you have finally learned how to fly?" She stated wryly.

"Cortana…"

"That really should have been my first guess with all that practice you have been doing. Could certainly have needed that too."

Her expression didn't leave much room for an argument.

"No, where are you even coming up with this stuff? I meant other things…" Oh yes, that had been the problem in the first place, he didn't know how to explain.

"Well whatever it is, you can jump of a Prowler at dead of a night and save the day with your shining armor and everything, but let's face it Chief, if you can't cook and freeze a Brute without your hands, you ain't no Superman…"


End file.
